


My beasts

by Ruiskukka



Category: CountryHumans, Countryballs, Geography (Anthropomorphic)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruiskukka/pseuds/Ruiskukka
Summary: You know, I always think of you. Wherever you are. And not just me. My beasts are inside me, too.
Relationships: USSR/Finland
Kudos: 5





	My beasts

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Мои звери](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/592081) by Ruiskukka. 



Every time I see you, something inside me growls and howls, wanting only you. You bring out something in me that should be locked up. Being near you, the roar in my head gets stronger and stronger. I wanting to keep you as close as possible.

You know, there are beasts in my head. They are wild and restless. But every time I drive them away. Away from prying eyes. To a place where no one is alive. Just to keep you safe. In that corner, in that old, decrepit house, where I will lock the door with a key. And in the house sit those beasts on rusty chains. On the chains of my soul.

And at night they tear my flesh to shreds. Their claws are sharpened and their fangs are sharp. They walk on fine nerves in my head. And it feels like I'm going to break down, not survive. But you're still the reason why I'm still alive. I live and will live. Just for you. My heart is still warm for you.

And I always crave only one thing: if you were near and only with me…

But do not be deceived by the flattering words of someone else, otherwise I will not be able to keep them. Not to restrain my beasts. They are searching for you.

Run, run quickly. As long as they don't find you. But you never run away. You just stand there, smiling faintly, and suffer all the attacks. You never ran. He always met me and my beasts with his head held high. Sometimes it seems to me that it is I who am afraid of your courage, and not you of my beasts. ~~But fear is always with him, no matter how he hides it.~~

Once, when I first saw you, something inside me whimpered faintly. The first time I touched you, I could already hear the howl. And once try you, can't stop them. The beasts that live in my sinful body want you again and again. They struggle to try you again. But I won't let them. Not allow. ~~But failed.~~

You know, the truth is always hidden somewhere. Hiding from everyone, playing hide-and-seek with us. It is hidden in alcohol and the body, in religion and the bed, in deity and sin, in snacks and forbidden fruit. But I found it in you. You are my alcohol. You are my religion. You are my deity. You are my sin. You are my forbidden fruit.

We are thousands of kilometers apart, but I can't live without thinking about you. We are so far apart, but I can't stop thinking and dreaming about you. Not a second without thinking about you. And my beasts, sitting on chains, think only of your cold figure.

It is especially hard in winter when everything reminds and associates you: every cold gust of wind, every snowflake shining in the sun, tons of snowdrifts outside the window, pure white color that surrounded and covered everything around. Winter is your time of the year. When all three months belong only to you.

You're like a guiding star that guides me. You are brighter than the others. They fade, and you shine more and more. For me. And for my beasts. They also prowl the wilderness, following your light. ~~A light that will fade one day.~~

I will not stand aside any longer. I'll finally come out of my den. I will conquer the kilometers that separate us for you, and I will come to you. I will stop at the threshold of your house, which rises above the ground. I'll knock timidly on your door. And you will open the door with a surprised look at me. Even if you didn't expect me, then accept me who came to you uninvited. I will always be there for you. You are my truth, you are my everything.

I can hold my beasts, but they always want to escape. They want you as much as I do. But you were never afraid of them. What scares me the most. You're scaring me. You're scaring me as much as I'm scaring everyone else. Is this possible? ~~But every time he sees you, his soul shudders with fear. But he doesn't show it.~~

Despite the lateness of the visit, you let me into your house. The house I wanted to get into. When you make me tea, you ask me why I'm here. I feel awkward, unable to say anything. Claws and fangs tear me apart. The roar is in my ears. The beasts are raging in my head. I can feel their desires and their grief.

You stare into my eyes and, as if seeing something in them, smile faintly at me.

But it was enough for me to tame doubt and calm the beasts. I need only one of your smiles to fill me with determination and courage. A single smile. Your. Which is meant only for me. From now on, I want you to smile only at me.

Dropping to one knee, I feebly utter the words that I have ever wanted to say to you. Only to you. And this moment has come.

_I want you to smile only at me._

_~~But he himself had destroyed this smile.~~ _

_You will only mine._   
_You will only looked at me._   
_You will wanted only me._

_~~How selfish of he. But that's all your love.~~ _

_Finland, become a tamer of my wild beasts._

_~~But it didn't work out in the end.~~ _


End file.
